When the Parenting Expert Needs A Parenting Expert - Adrienne Eason

So, per our last interaction we’ve established that I am a human and therefore prone to typical

human things. I wanted to connect with you and talk about something we’ve all probably heard

of, said before, and experience daily; and that’s the phrase “we are our harshest critic”.

So. Freaking. True.

I’ve been talking to some parents lately and found some similarities in the extreme level of

pressure that all of sudden is so overwhelming and apparently never really goes away. I’m not

just talking about the pressure of naming your kid, because let’s be honest; that’s A LOT of

pressure. Will the initials make a bad word? Are there possibilities of nicknames that will

automatically put our kid in the bully zone? Will they constantly have to inform people of how to

spell or pronounce it? I digress.

What I’m referring to mostly is the level of pressure that comes with not projecting our traumas

onto our children. To put it simpler: I don’t want to f*** up my kid.

The concept of ruining our children if we make any mistake can literally keep a person up at

night. Although logically we may understand, that, duh, we are obviously going to make

mistakes; emotionally it will in no way shape or form change anything despite the knowledge we

have. Maybe it’s just me who feels this, and if that’s the case I’m glad you all are now getting a

glimpse at my crazy…. You’re welcome.

This is why I see a therapist.

Among many other reasons of course. But I am a firm believer that everyone, including mental

health professionals, should see another mental health professional. Perspective, advice,

therapeutic tools, and a non-judgmental space to spew out the chaos that overwhelms us. Here’s

the thing: I lack self-compassion. I’ve been working on it FOR YEARS. I was doing pretty well,

until I became a parent. I will say, it taught me a level of self-care I didn’t know I had in me. I

was forced to take care of my well-being during pregnancy that took priority over that weird

feeling that self-care equals selfishness. But then their born, and for me, then there was this

paralyzing level of guilt. The insane number of intrusive thoughts criticizing my every decision,

every word, every action of my ability of being a parent.

Parenting is hard. That’s nothing new. Society makes it harder. Also, nothing new. But we

ourselves turn the level of difficulty so high that it’s impossible to conquer. This brings me back

to the last time we met, where I talked about apologizing to our kids. Showing them we are

humans that make mistakes so that they aren’t growing up with some extreme level of high

expectations that turn them into adults suffering from the desperate need to prove themselves

within the confounds of their own perfectionism.

So I see a therapist. I see a therapist with knowledge on parenting, to remind myself via their

expertise that I am a human who is providing food, shelter, clothes, and most of all LOVE to my

children. And also that I am a human with needs of food, shelter, clothes, and love too.

That starts with myself.

If I want my kids to love themselves, to be kind to themselves and others, to feel beautiful in

their own skin, to be firm in setting healthy boundaries, to be proud of who they are, to give

themselves grace when, not if, but when they make mistakes, to embrace failures as learning

opportunities, to not fear change, etc……..then I have to do that, too. And that is a lot of

pressure. We want the absolute best for our kids and to do that we have to want the best for us to.

The best thing for us to do as parents? Process. Heal. Sit with the discomfort. Allow ourselves to

just be. The more we can do that for ourselves, the less parenting will feel like this

overwhelming sense of pressure.

So hey, don’t be afraid to ask for help from a parenting expert. We all need it.