When the Parenting Expert Fails at Parenting - Adrienne Eason
Hello world. With this being my first blog post, I thought perhaps I could write an evidenced-
based article discussing the research on various parenting tactics and tools to help, you, the
reader, gain more insight into the ins and outs of parenthood.
However, I decided instead to be completely and utterly transparent about who I am and what I go through
on a day-to-day basis. Why am I the parenting expert you may ask? If you read my bio (Click the
link https://www.lifecoachclub.org/adrienne-eason) you will see that I am NOT in fact an
expert on parenting. What and who I am is an expert in being an advocate, guide, support, etc.
for parents like myself who understand that it is the hardest job in the world. SO! With that being
said, let the transparency begin.
My name is Adrienne Eason, I am the resident Self Compassion and Parenting Expert with Life
Coach Club, and I’m here to talk about all things...well... parenting. I’ve got two wild, strong-
willed, amazing kiddos ages three and eighteen months. Yes, they are close in age, yes it is a lot,
and no, I am not having more. Do I “have my hands full?” Literally, yes. I am always carrying a
thousand things. But I am a strong and capable parent that is rocking it! All while constantly
feeling overwhelmed, overtouched, overtired, and ready to explode. Prettttty much parenting in a
nutshell, am I right?
What I want to talk about here is the need for self compassion in our day to day (or should I say
second to second) parenting. Have I totally lost my marbles on my child?! ABSOLUTELY! Do I
experience a ton of “mom-guilt” about how I handle things? ALL THE TIME! So, trust me, what
I say to you, I say to myself on an extremely regular basis. (Hey, coaches need coaches, too!)
Here is a recent story:
My kiddos were in the bath playing with every possible bath toy we own just la di da, when I
notice a very distinct change in the water color...I won’t go into detail. So, I get both kids out of
the water trying to clean them up and dry them off and the next step is to get the toys out, the
water out, and “everything else” out. But of course, my toddler is adamant that they go back in
the tub. The situation was gross, I felt gross, and after multiple times of saying no in the most
stern “mom voice” I have; I yelled at them, physically removed them from the area, closed the
door, locked it, and cleaned everything up.
Before you freak out,
my partner was watching them on the other side of the door. They were completely safe, yet
extremely panic-stricken that they have lost access to the sacred space that is not only holding their mom captive but is also the space that is clearly the most important place to be in the house
in that exact moment. What is not allowed is obviously the one thing they want most... “sigh”.
Here’s the thing:
I am a human being.
I am not perfect.
Communicating feelings is hard.
Emotional regulation is hard.
I’m talking about me here, not my kids. How can I expect them to regulate their emotions and
communicate efficiently when I struggle to? That’s a whole other blog post for another day.
Anyways, parenting is impossible to navigate. So, all I can do is apologize. Whether they understand what
I’m saying or even care in that moment; I apologize. Whether they remember what happened or
what an apology even means; I apologize. Those were my feelings of being overwhelmed. No
other concepts mattered. And to be completely honest, I know I will yell again....because, well,
parenting; but I will apologize.
So, why is apologizing so important?
I’m not sure about you, but I grew up with a deep fear of failure; that any mistake I made was
ENORMOUS. I felt like I had the weight of my shoulders all the time; overanalyzing every
detail on how I could have done something different and repeating every criticism over and over.
(Hello severe-and-unbeknownst-to-me anxiety).
Maybe there is no correlation, but I cannot believe that this concept of perfectionism wasn’t
heavily influenced by my upbringing. Many parents, then and now, do not show their emotions
and feelings to their children. Maybe they want to appear authoritative, put together, or maybe
they are just too dang tired. For whatever reason, it happens all the time.
Parents do not have to divulge their deepest darkest secrets, but it is so important for children to
see that their parents are NOT perfect. I make mistakes constantly. The only way I can fathom
helping my children not feel the way I did is to talk to them about my mistakes, own them, and
try to do it better the next time.
The beauty of it all? Your kids will love you the same. You are still their knight and shining
armor, their guiding light, their hero. You are not less than in any capacity because of the
mistakes you make. This is a hard concept for me to process, and probably for many of you too.
So let me say it again:
You are not less than.
Give yourself grace, show yourself kindness, and remember that you are a masterpiece and a
work in progress simultaneously.
