When a Parenting Expert Encounters a Bully -Adrienne Eason

Hello wonderful world, let’s get to the point. Everyone reading this has either been
bullied, been a bully, seen someone else be bullied, watched one thousand trainings on bully
prevention, or lives under a rock and therefore none of this applies. We know what it is, and it
sucks. Plain and simple.

There’s something you need to know about my family. We have two beautiful children
ages three and 18 months. Now, every kid in the universe has unique parts of them that create the
incredible and individualized selves that they are. For my three-year-old, there are two things in
particular. The first is a facial hemangioma. If you do not know what that is, I’m not surprised. I
didn’t either, until these teeny, little red dots as a newborn became a protruding red bump in
between her eyes by three months old. It happened quickly, it was scary, and if you are going
through something similar send me a message! I have tons of resources. Long story short, it’s a
vascular birthmark that in her case will, thankfully, cause no issues and go away on its own over
time.

The second is Autism. The official diagnosis is new, but we’ve known for quite some
time that our sweet girl was on the spectrum in some way, shape, or form. We’ve set her up with
speech therapy, occupational therapy, developmental therapy, ABA therapy, etc. throughout the
last couple years. We’ve also joined some classes like Kindermusik and gymnastics to help her
socialize, learn, and play.

Since the hemangioma first appeared, we’ve had some family members and friends
express concerns about future bullying. My response was always the same.

1. It is my job as a parent to model self-love and confidence so that she may see that she is
beautiful inside and out.
2. It is my job as a parent to help her establish internal validation and not require external
validation.
3. It is my job as a parent to model grace and compassion for others and explain that bullies
do not bully for no reason. Bullies are dealing with something that instead of processing
they are projecting.
Now that autism is in the picture, those three statements have not wavered. I’ve always felt
strongly about them and hope that whatever she faces those three points will instill resilience and
empathy.

I felt prepared. I felt encouraged. I knew that if my daughter was bullied by another kid
we were ready. Until it wasn’t a kid that was being a bully. It was another parent.
So, here’s what happened...

Have you seen those parents who think their child is about to be the next Olympian? So,
they say things like, “That was awful! Do it again!” Well, there was a mom there, who actually
said that...to her two-year-old. That had happened the week prior, and we established right then
that she wasn’t our cup of tea. So, my husband and my three-year-old daughter were at
gymnastics class doing what they always do and enjoying every minute of it, when the same
woman approached my husband. This is what she said:
“My daughter does not deserve to have to be in the same class as your daughter. Does
that red dot on her face mean she is retarded or something?”
Now, before I go any further, I need you all to know that I was not present for this
interaction. I learned when I got home from work. And as I stood there in the kitchen I could feel
the tears welling up in my eyes and my body start to shake as the blood boiling rage was about to
EXPLODE.

The woman was banned. Her family was banned. My daughter was none the wiser of the
entire situation. Although, I was very grateful for the director and how they reacted. My heart
was completely shattered. How could someone be so cruel? THAT IS MY F****** KID!!
Disclaimer: I do not condone murder. But I wanted to know who she was, where she lived, and had an entire plethora of super fun phrases I wanted to say to her face.

I wasn’t prepared for this. I knew someday the bullying would happen, but I didn’t know
when, I didn’t know how, and I honestly didn’t expect it to come from an adult, especially not
another parent.
“She was lucky I wasn’t there,” I said. “I would’ve” xyz, I said. I But I wouldn’t though;
not really. It felt good to say those things, but my heartbreak was not just for my little girl. It was
for hers, too. And not just for them, but even for her. I am going to stick with my three
statements.

1. It is my job as a parent to model self-love and confidence so that she may see that she is
beautiful inside and out.
2. It is my job as a parent to help her establish internal validation and not require external
validation.
3. It is my job as a parent to model grace and compassion for others and explain that bullies
do not bully for no reason. Bullies are dealing with something that instead of processing
they are projecting.

So, to my rock star daughter: Keep being you, unapologetically. My heart aches for what you
may have to endure, but we will gain resilience together.
To the little girl who can’t go to class anymore: I’m sorry. I hope you shine brighter than the
example set before you.

To the woman that became a bully: You weren’t always this way. I hope you can find healing
from the trauma that you endured that led you to be so cruel.
Give grace, compassion, and empathy to yourself and those around you. At the end of the
day that’s all anyone wants in return.